Bleed like me
by LoZa
Summary: Kirsten goes back to some old coping methods when her life starts to head downhill. What happens when Seth is the only one who notices? COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Kirsten Cohen sighed, watching her father leave her office. He frustrated her so much, it wasn't funny anymore. Come to think of it, she didn't even know what he had been yelling at her for. She had completely tuned out. She was immune to it now.

"Kirsten" Julie's voice said in a high pitched squeal.

"Yes Julie"

"I'm not going to be able to make it to the lunch meeting. Can you reschedule it for me? Thanks, that'd be great."

And with that, she turned and exited the room as quickly as she had entered it.

Without even being aware of what she was doing, Kirsten brushed her arm across her desk, knocking everything to the ground, including her glass of water. The glass shattered on the floor, but she didn't even flinch. Instead she just looked at it. She didn't know what was going on with her lately. Everybody and everything irritated her, she had theses sudden angry bursts, and she felt so tired all the time. Her thoughts were interrupted by Sandy happily entering the room.

"Hi honey. Thought I'd stop in for lunch."

He walked towards her, then stopped, looking at the mess and broken glass all over the floor.

"Whoa what happened here?" he said smiling at his wife.

"Oh you know, just me being clumsy as usual."

"Well that's true…you are clumsy" he said, leaning into kiss her.

"Um, actually I'm really busy Sandy. I think Dad will have a fit if I go to lunch."

"Ah Cal not in a good mood today?" he smirked.

"You could say that" she muttered getting up.

"Ok, well I'll just see you at home tonight then. Do you need some help cleaning up?"

"No no, it's fine."

"Ok, bye" he said leaving the office.

She let out a long breath, hating herself for lying to Sandy like that.

* * *

When Kirsten got home that night, Sandy wasn't home yet. She went straight to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of wine from it. She opened the bottle, grabbing a glass from the cupboard. She poured half a glass, and skulled it quickly. She then poured a full glass, and walked outside with it. She looked into the pool house, but the boys weren't home either. Now she thought about it, they had said something about going somewhere…

She sat on one of the chairs outside. It was a lovely night, and the night sky was reflecting on the pool. It was then that Kirsten realized that she had everything she could ever have wanted. A loving husband, 2 great kids, a good job, a beautiful house…so why did she still feel like something was missing? She couldn't seem to shake away this feeling of emptiness that had come over her recently. Every day seemed to get harder and harder, to the point that she didn't know what she was doing anymore. She was doing strange things, and her thoughts were also becoming a little out of the ordinary.

She reached inside her jacket pocket, pulling out a chunk of the glass she had broken earlier. For some reason she had kept it. Actually, she knew why, she just hoped that she wouldn't go through with it. She hadn't done it in so long, probably not since she was a teenager. She knew that once she started, there was no going back. She remembered what a mess it had made of her life back then, but she also remembered the relief it used to give her. There was no other feeling like it, and she longed to experience that feeling again. She knew that she was older now, and that she should know that it was a stupid thing to do. She knew that she had a family, and that it was going to be even harder to hide it from them than it was when she was a teenager. She knew all of this, and yet, something was still there dragging her back in.

She pushed up her jacket sleeve, moving her bracelets to reveal her wrist. She took the piece of glass, and pushed it into her skin. She dragged it across a little, and then stared as the blood began gushing out. Her hand began to shake as she realized what she had just gotten herself back into.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mom, Mom were home" Seth yelled up the stairs. He and Ryan walked into the kitchen, where Seth immediately picked up the half empty bottle of wine.

"Obviously she had a bad day" Ryan said.

"Obviously" Seth replied, frowning a little. He wasn't really a big fan of his mother drinking alone.

"Hey boys" she said from behind them. "You guys hungry? There are some leftovers in the fridge."

"I love leftovers" Seth said, grinning at his Mom.

"Why don't you take a break? Seth and I will heat it up" Ryan offered.

Kirsten smiled, heading into the lounge room. She sat on the couch, watching Ryan and Seth mucking around in the kitchen. She looked down at her wrist, satisfied that you could hardly even see the skin-coloured band aid beneath her bracelets.

"What are you looking at honey?" Sandy said appearing over her shoulder.

"Nothing…ah…I didn't even hear you come in" she said jumpily.

Sandy sat down beside her, looking into her eyes.

"Are you ok? You seem a bit frazzled."

"Frazzled? I don't think so."

"Are you sure?" he repeated.

"Sandy I'm fine." Kirsten snapped.

Sandy stared at his wife, confused by the way she was acting. She had noticed that there was something going on with her lately, but he just put it down to work and stress. The way she was just acting though, was very different. She was pushing him away, even when he could tell that she needed him.

He got up off the couch, and walked into the kitchen.

"Hey what's going on with Mom?" Seth asked, having been watching their entire conversation.

"I don't know. You guys have noticed that she'd been different though yes?"

"Well yeah. She's definitely been a bit down." Ryan said.

"She must have had a bad day Dad" Seth said, motioning to the bottle on the bench.

Sandy picked up the bottle, noting that there was definitely more than one glass out of it.

* * *

Kirsten said goodnight to the boys, and headed up to bed earlier then usual that night. Sandy followed her upstairs, shutting the door behind him. 

"Kirsten…" he started.

"Look Sandy, about before. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just had a really bad day at work, and I'm sorry for taking that out on you."

"Is that why when I got to your office everything was on the floor?"

"Hey I told you what happened with that." She said, sitting on the bed.

"You clumsy Kirsten, but your not _that_ clumsy. Even I know that!" he smirked.

"Yeah well sometimes I can be"

Sandy frowned, wondering why she was being so defensive. And why she wouldn't look at him.

"What about the wine bottle? Lately, you've been drinking a lot more Kirsten…"

"Oh what is this? An interrogation?" she snapped again.

"That's not what it is, I'm just worried about you"

"Well don't be. There's nothing for you to worry about." She muttered. "Are we done here?' she said, looking at him for the first time during their conversation.

Sandy just looked at her, and then walked out of the room. Kirsten waited till she heard him walk down the stairs, before letting herself cry. As the tears rolled down her cheek, she headed for the bathroom. Without thinking, she took her razorblade out of the shower, and began cutting her arms with it.

* * *

When Sandy came up to bed, Kirsten was already under the covers, but still wide awake. Sandy lay beside her, staring at her. She was so beautiful. He loved her so much. Whatever was going on with her, he wanted to help.

_How is it so far? Worth continuing? Please read n review to let me know!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N Hey hope you guys are enjoying it. Thanks for the great reviews so far...please keep reading & reviewing! These next few chapters are going to involve Seth a whole lot more...so yeah.Sorry if it'sa bitheavy for anyone_.

* * *

Kirsten woke the next morning after a restless nights sleep. She looked over to see Sandy sleeping heavily, so she quietly slipped out of bed. She walked down the hall and downstairs, her throat dry. Heading straight to the fridge, and still feeling half asleep, she jumped when she saw Seth sitting at the table.

"Didn't mean to scare you mom" he said.

"Oh no, you didn't. You're up early." She said, getting some water out of the fridge.

"I couldn't sleep"

"Me neither" She shut the fridge door, not noticing Seth walking towards her.

"Oh my god Mom, what happened to your arms?" he asked, squinting a little.

Kirsten panicked inside. Her stomach was doing flips. How could she have been so careless? She had completely forgotten about what she had done last night. She hadn't expected to see anyone down here, but still, she should have realized.

"Ah nothing"

"Nothing? Mom…" Seth said sarcastically, narrowing his eyebrows just like his father did.

"Look, don't worry about it Seth. Really, it was an accident. Me being clumsy, that's all."

Seth didn't answer, just looked at his Mom worriedly. Now he was sure there was something weird going on. He knew it.

"I'm going to get ready for work" she said, kissing her son on the forehead.

As his Mom left the room, Seth knew she was lying to him. And he was pretty sure she was lying to his Dad as well. Although horrified at the scars on her arms, he wanted to know more. He wanted to know how she was getting them.

* * *

Kirsten thought about Seth all the way to work. She had gone straight up and got dressed before Sandy had woken, but she was freaking out now that he would tell his father. Maybe she should come up with a better lie to cover her tracks?

* * *

"Alright Cohen…spill…" Summer said impatiently at lunchtime.

"Sorry what?" he asked, breaking free of his daze.

"God what is wrong with you today? You've hardly said a word, and your acting really strange."

"It's nothing."

"Come on Seth" she said, placing her hand on his. "I know it's nothing. I've never seen you this quiet before! It's kind of freaky!"

"It's my Mom" he said sighing a little. "She's been acting really strange lately."

"Strange how?" she asked confused.

"Just different to how she normally is."

He paused, and Summer could tell there was more to his story.

"And…" she said, pushing him a little further.

"Well, I saw these strange cuts on her arms this morning. They were everywhere. When I asked her about them, she just brushed it off and walked away."

Summer said nothing, her mind ticking over what Seth was saying.

"Were they bad cuts?" she asked quietly, almost scared by what he was going to say.

"Yeah. They were really bad Summer"

Summer looked at his worried face, squeezing his hand tightly. She didn't want to believe what was going through her head at the moment. She thought that was just a teenage thing?

"You don't think that she's doing it on purpose…do you?" Seth asked, looking for something that would change the horrible things he was thinking at the moment.

"Do you?"

"I don't know. Maybe" he said quietly.

"Have you told your Dad, or Ryan?"

"No. I think I should see if I'm right first."

"Yeah, that's a good idea." She said seriously, trying to look into his eyes. He however, had his gaze firmly on the table in front of them.


	4. Chapter 4

Kirsten watched Julie leave her office, watching the outside halls as well. As soon as the coast was clear, Kirsten reached into one of her drawers, pulling out a bottle of clear liquid. As the vodka washed down her throat, the sudden burning sensation caused her to instantly feel better. She had been thinking about Seth all day, and she was still trying to think of how she could talk to him about it, preferably before he spoke to Sandy. She took another long sip, which was just enough for her legs to feel tingly, and her head to feel fuzzy.

Stumbling up out of the chair, she packed her things into her bag, and fumbled around for her car keys.

"Leaving already Kiki?" her father asked, appearing at the door.

"Yeah, I am actually" she snapped, breezing past him.

After leaving work early, Kirsten drove home in quite a daze. She pulled into their driveway, and turned the car off. She walked up to the door, dropping her keys on the way. She picked them up, the world spinning when she lifted her head up again.

Once she was inside, she flopped down onto the couch. She was a failure. She was an alcoholic and she knew it. How could she have been so careless with her entire life? How could she not have noticed what was happening to her? All she wanted to do was sleep, but she had so much work to catch up on. She was falling further and further behind, but she was so drowsy at the moment. Getting off the couch to get some water, she gulped it down quickly. She walked upstairs to her room, heading straight for the bathroom, and coming back with exactly what she wanted.

She knew she shouldn't do it…

It was stupid, immature. It was something she used to do. It was a part of her life that she wasn't proud of…

And yet…she did it anyway.

* * *

Seth went straight home afterschool, despite Ryan's attempts to come out with him and the girls. He told them he felt sick, and to some extent…that was true. Seeing his mother's car in the driveway, he pulled a face. What was she doing home so early? He kind of wished she hadn't been there. He didn't feel like facing her.

He walked through the house, looking in the kitchen, then on the couch. He walked outside, but she wasn't there either. He dumped his bag in his room; then walked upstairs to see if she was there. Her door was half open, so without a second thought, he walked in.

"Hey Mom" he said to her back, seeing her sitting on the bed.

"Seth?" she said loudly jumping off the bed.

Seth noticed she automatically put her hands behind her back, and he knew she was trying to cover something.

"Mom..? What are you doing?"

"Nothing…" she rushed, still hiding her hands. "Give me a minute…I'll be down in a sec…"

"Mom…" he said, moving closer to her.

"Seth…I said I'll be down in a minute…" she said her pace and voice becoming quicker and louder. She didn't realize she was actually stepping backwards, moving away from him. Moving away from her own son!

But Seth wasn't going anywhere. As she put her hands further behind her back, he put his hand on her shoulder, trying to see what she was hiding. She struggled against him, but eventually he became too strong for her, and was able to pull her hands from behind her back.

He began to breathe deeply when he saw Kirsten's wrists. Both had a single slash on them, but the 2 cuts were bleeding heavily. And then he saw it. The thing that assured him he was right all along. The thing he had wished he wasn't going to see. The thing that assured him he wasn't dreaming anymore.

He seized the razorblade out of her hand, his eyes burning with tears. He wanted to cry. He just wanted to run away and cry, and that was a feeling he hadn't experienced in a very long time.

He watched as his mother broke down onto the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Still in shock, he simply stood there, a million thoughts pounding his brain.

"I'm sorry Seth. I'm so sorry" she whispered in between sobs.

Seth continued to stand there in shock, waiting for his body to do something. Looking at the floor, he stayed quiet, unsure of how to react.

"Please…Seth…look at me…" she reached out to touch his hand, but he pulled it back quickly. He gulped back the lump in his throat, and turned, leaving her alone. His eyes still burning with tears, he ran down the stairs, the razorblade still in his hand. He ran to his room, opening one of his drawers. Hiding the razor underneath his clothes, he slammed the drawer shut again, causing everything on top to fall to the ground. As he began to cry, he tried his best to hold it in. He didn't want to break down. Not here, not like his Mother had.

He headed outside hurriedly, crashing into a chair as he went. As he stumbled over it, he turned back to it, and picked it up, angrily throwing it to the floor. He was angry at her. So bloody angry he wanted to shake her. She had always been the strong one. She was his Mom for crying out loud! Storming angrily out, he took off down the street, heading for someplace where he knew he could calm down a bit.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey Sandy, is Seth home yet?" Ryan asked, coming in from the pool house.

"No. I thought he was outside with you."

"He didn't come out with us after school. He said he wasn't feeling well. I was just wondering, that's all." Ryan explained, shrugging.

"Hmm, that's kind of strange" Sandy said to himself, as Ryan left the room.

Kirsten appeared behind him, overhearing their conversation. A pang of guilt shot through her body, making her want to turn and run. She was too slow though…

"Hey honey. You haven't heard from Seth have you?"

Kirsten gulped, her mouth suddenly turning dry. She wanted to answer, but nothing was coming out.

"Honey…" Sandy said soothingly, walking towards her. He put his hands on her hips, looking into her eyes.

"We, ahh…we had a bit of a fight." She said croakily.

"What? What about?" he asked concerned.

"I..I can't tell you Sandy."

Sandy stepped back a bit. Kirsten had never said that to him before. She had always been able to talk to him. He suddenly realised how serious things were.

Kirsten turned, tears again coming to her eyes.

"Kirsten…wait…talk to me…" Sandy called to her back, but she had already gone.

* * *

Seth sighed, looking out at the waves rolling onto the beach. This was the only place where he could really think. No interruptions. He was confused as hell, but he need to sort himself out. He needed to sort himself before he returned home.

* * *

Kirsten poured herself another glass of wine as she sat outside. Seth had bolted, and it was all her fault. She longed to tell Sandy, but she couldn't. She didn't want to hurt another person that loved her.

Sandy watched his wife drinking, her eyes glazed over and her face with no expression. He heard a sudden noise behind him, and saw Seth throw his jacket on the couch and keep walking.

"Seth" he said, but got no reply.

"Seth" he said much more loudly, and sternly.

Seth turned around slowly, eyes fixed on the floor in front of him.

"What on earth did you do to your mother?" he asked.

Seth scoffed, shaking his head.

"Why don't you ask her?" he muttered.

"Seth" he shouted again. "Look at her. Whatever you did…it's obviously upset her."

Seth looked outside at his mother, and gulped back the lump now forming in his throat.

"Why is it automatically my fault? Maybe you should ask her what SHE did?"

"What is wrong with you?" he leaned forward, closer to his son. His eyes were bloodshot, and his cheeks were tear stained.

"Nothing…please just leave me alone"

Seth walked into his room, slamming the door behind him. Sandy sighed as he heard Seth turn his radio on. He wished someone would tell him what the hell was going on.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N Thanks for the great reviews!I was a bitunsure if people would like it...so I'm glead that you do. Umm...the fab four will be included in later chapters. At the moment i'm focusing mainly on Seth, although Summer's about to come into it more now._

* * *

Seth lay on his bed, looking up at the ceiling. His eyes were sore from crying, and his heart was still beating fast.

There was a loud knock on his door.

"Go away" he shouted.

Ryan walked in anyway, not really listening to what Seth was saying.

"I thought I said go away"

Ryan sat on Seth's bed, folding his arms.

"Will you tell me what's going on?" Ryan asked.

Seth sighed, sitting up.

"I can't. It's not my place to say."

Ryan nodded, understandingly. He stood up again, unfolding his arms.

"Well if you want to tell me about it…" he said a little uncomfortably.

"Thanks" Seth said, lying down again.

Ryan walked out of his room, shutting the door behind him. He shrugged at Sandy, who was waiting in the kitchen. Sandy was baffled. He was so sure that Ryan would have got it out of him.

* * *

Seth woke early the next morning, hoping to get out of the house before anyone else was awake. He threw some clothes on, grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

"Not staying for breakfast?" Sandy asked coming down the stairs.

Seth stopped, arching his neck in the air.

"No. I've got some stuff to do at school."

"Well if you wait a minute. I'll drive you." Sandy offered.

"It's ok. I'm going with Summer" he replied, walking out of the front door and slamming it behind him.

* * *

Seth walked to Summer's place, the quiet streets quite relaxing. He knocked on the door, and a sleepy Summer answered it.

"Cohen…do you know what time it is?" she asked whining.

"Yeah, sorry. I just…I had to get out of the house. Feel free to go back to bed, I'll just sit somewhere."

Summer frowned, stepping aside to let him in. Seth had changed so much lately. His full of energy, sarcastic nature had changed so quickly, it was scaring Summer a little. What had happened to her boyfriend?

"Did you talk to your mom?" she asked, sitting on her bed.

"Um…kind of."

"So you sorted it out?" she asked brightly.

Seth paused, shaking his head. He could feel his eyes getting watery again, but he pushed them back. There was no way he was crying in front of Summer.

"Seth…" she said worriedly. "Seth what happened?"

"I…I walked in on her doing it Summer. She had the razor in her hand, and there was blood all over her wrists. She tried to hide it from me…but I made her show me. And now, she's not talking to me, and Dad and Ryan want to know what's happening, but I can't tell them." Seth took a breath, relief washing over him. He had been waiting, needing to tell someone.

"Oh my God…" Summer said, throwing her arms around his neck.

He held her tightly, glad that he had told someone. A weight had definitely been lifted of his shoulders

* * *

After sitting there for a while, Summer said that she should really get ready for school.

"I'm going to have a shower…I'll just be a minute" she said, grabbing some things and going into the bathroom.

"Make yourself at home" she shouted from inside.

As the water began to run, Seth walked around Summer's house. He studied the pictures on the wall. Photos of a very young Summer. She was even beautiful then.

He walked into the kitchen, his eyes focusing on something in particular. The huge array of bottles in the cabinet. Seth knew Summer's Mom was a heavy drinker…but hey…so was his mom right?

He opened the cabinet slowly, his eyes washing quickly over the labels. He grabbed a bottle of vodka, which was a bout three-quarters full. Moving the other bottles around so it looked like nothing was missing; he closed the cabinet, just as he heard the water turn off.


	7. Chapter 7

Kirsten was literally a nervous wreck at work. Her hands were shaking, her chest was tight. She'd taken a few shots of vodka to calm her, but it didn't seem to be working. She tried to focus on the work she had in front of her, but he mind kept wandering. Throwing her pen down angrily, she reached into her drawer, and took an extra long sip. Sitting back, she let the burning liquid run through her body. She had made such a mess of everything.

* * *

Sandy walked into Kirsten's office, flowers hidden behind his back. He knocked on her door lightly.

"Come in" he heard her reply. He walked in smiling, pulling the flowers out from behind him.

"Hi Sandy" she said, forcing a small smile.

"These are for you…" She took them, still smiling slightly.

"Thank you, they're beautiful"

Sandy leaned in, kissing her softly on the lips. He pulled back quickly, and odd look on his face.

"Have you been drinking?" he said crossly.

She panicked. She hadn't even given the fact she'd been drinking all day a second thought. She was guessing the vodka smelt and tasted pretty strongly.

"Kirsten…?" he asked again when she didn't answer.

She didn't know what to say. Now would be a good time to confess to everything. She considered it, but knew that it wasn't going to happen. Not today anyway.

"No of course not" she lied, feigning shock.

Sandy looked at her, knowing very well that she was lying to him. He didn't know what to think. She'd never lied to him before. It then suddenly dawned on him.

"Is this what Seth is so cut up about?"

"Excuse me?" she said, raising her eyebrows.

"Your drinking Kirsten. Is that why you two had a fight?" He waited for a reply, but got nothing. So he continued on.

"Is that why our own son has been crying, but doesn't want to talk to me about it? Is that why he had to leave early this morning so he didn't have to face any of us?" Sandy exploded, his emotion for his son coming out.

Kirsten closed her eyes for a second, holding her tears back.

"It's got nothing to do with that" she said quietly.

"Kirsten…talk to me. I don't know what to do anymore. Surely you can see that your drinking has gotten out of control? And it's not just affecting you; it's affecting all of us."

"I don't have a problem Sandy" she snapped.

She was cut off by her phone, and she shot Sandy a look.

"I'll wait" he said, folding his arms.

"Hell, Kirsten Cohen" she said, rolling her eyes. "Oh hi Ryan…Is everything ok? What? No, No, you stay at school, I'll take care of it. Thanks for letting me know…Bye"

"What, what is it?" Sandy asked hurriedly, knowing something was up.

"Ryan said Seth took off from school in between his classes. He said he was acting strange, and wouldn't tell anyone where he was going."

"Great" Sandy muttered sarcastically.

"Don't worry Sandy, I'll go find him. You go back to work" she said, fumbling for her keys.

"I don't think so" he said, grabbing her keys from her. "Not if you've been drinking."

"Fine. We'll both go" she said, too worried to argue with him.

* * *

Seth let himself inside the house, locking the door behind him. He threw his keys on the table, and pulled the bottle of vodka out of his bag. Opening the lid, he smelt it, jerking his head back fast. How did people drink this stuff? He put the bottle to his lips, letting it enter his mouth, and wash down his throat. He began coughing and spluttering, his throat burning with a horrible taste. He put the bottle on the bench. What was he doing? This wasn't him. What was he trying to prove? As the thoughts rushed through his head, he realized he was doing this for her. He wanted to know why she did it. He wanted to know what it felt like. Picking up the bottle again, he began to drink. The more he drank…the less horrible it tasted

* * *

Kirsten and Sandy drove to a few spots where they knew Seth hung out. The skate park, the beach, the pier; but he was no where to be seen. After Sandy suggested trying home, Kirsten rang their home number.

"No one's answering" she said, the phones still attached to her ear.

"I still think we should check it out."

Kirsten nodded, looking at her husband. He looked worried. He looked stressed. He looked tired.

"I'm sorry Sandy" she said quietly.

"Sorry for what?"

"Everything" she sighed. "You put up with a lot more than you should have to"

"I don't put up with anything. I love you Kirsten, you know that. I love you more than anything, and I always will."

"I know. I'm still sorry though."

Sandy smiled sadly, getting the hint that his wife really did have a big problem here.

* * *

Seth sat on his bed, the loud music he had on blasting through his ears. He took another swig of the bottle, frowning when he saw there was only a little bit left. Everything felt better now. His head and thoughts were fuzzy, and his whole body felt tingly. It was definitely a feeling he'd never had before. Drinking the rest of the bottle, an idea formed in his head. He did this because he wanted to know what his mother was feeling…so why not try to understand that little bit more? Fumbling through his drawer, he took out the razor he hid the other day. If she did it…then so would he. He dragged the blade across his left wrist a few times, and then watched as the blood seeped out. He didn't even feel it. He couldn't feel anything right now. 


	8. Chapter 8

"SETH…" Sandy called out as he opened the front door.

"Seth…are you here?" he called a little louder.

"His stuffs here" Kirsten pointed out, seeing his things in the kitchen.

Sandy could hear music coming from his room, so he knocked loudly on the door.

"Seth, are you in there?" he said, but there was no reply. Kirsten appeared behind him.

"Seth, honey?" she called out.

When there was still no answer, Sandy shrugged, then barged into the room. There was no way in hell that he could ever have prepared himself for what he saw in front of him. Seth was sitting on the floor drowsily, the empty vodka bottle next to him. As if that wasn't hard enough, he had the razor in one hand, and blood all over his other.

"Oh my God Seth" Sandy shouted, his mouth dry. He rushed over to him, dropping to his side.

"Seth, Seth…what are you doing?" he stammered, grabbing the razor out of his hand, and taking hold of his other wrist. As it dripped with blood, Seth yanked it back.

"I'm fine Dad. What are you doing home anyway?" he slurred, stumbling up.

"We should clean your wrist up" Sandy said, disappointment evident in his voice.

"That's so typical! You're always trying to fix things! Well guess what…I'm not the one that needs fixing here ok?" Seth shouted, stepping away from his father.

"Oh really? You're drunk Seth." Sandy turned to look at Kirsten, who was still standing in the doorway. She was pale, and her eyes were watery.

"Kirsten, honey. Can you take this for me?" he said calmly, handing her the razor.

"No, No" Seth shouted, making an attempt to intercept the razor. "Don't give it to her!"

"Seth calm down. How much did you drink?" he asked soothingly, putting his hands on his son's trembling chest.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Seth pushed past his father, but Sandy grabbed hold of his arms, pinning them behind his back.

"You can't give it back to her! I hid it. I was hiding it form her!"

Sandy looked over at his wife, and realized that Seth was hitting a nerve with her. He knew that his son was drunk, but he also knew that this may be the only way to work things out. The only way anybody would tell him anything.

"Why did you hide it?" he asked, unsure if he even wanted to know the answer.

"Because, because…" Seth stammered, tears falling from his eyes.

"Cause she hurts herself with it. I don't want her to do that anymore. I was waiting for someone else to realise…but it was taking too long. I had to try and fix her"

Kirsten put her hand over her mouth, now sobbing uncontrollably. She slid down the wall, her breathing getting faster and faster.

Sandy watched his wife's reaction in shock. So much was happening, he couldn't process it all. Seth struggled against him, but Sabdy wasn't letting go.

"Get off me!" he shouted, his struggles getting more aggressive. Before he knew what he was doing, he got one hand free, and punched his father in the jaw, sending him backwards.

"Sandy" Kirsten sobbed, getting off the floor.

Seth looked at his father, then his mother. He couldn't stop himself from crying now. He was so confused. He headed towards his mother, hugging her tightly.

"I'm sorry Mom. I didn't mean to tell him. I didn't want you to cry"

Kirsten looked over at Sandy, who was still on the floor. He gave her a nod, telling her he was ok.

"Shh Seth. It's ok." She said, putting her hand on the back of his head.

"I love you Mom…but I think you really need help"

"I love you Seth…more than anything. Why did you do that? Why?" she sobbed, taking hold of his wrist.

"I just…I wanted…I wanted to know why you did it. I just wanted to help you" he whispered in her ear.

This however made Kirsten cry even harder. She held on tightly to Seth, burying her head into his chest.


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm going to give the doctor a call" Kirsten said, after they had all calmed down a bit. She had made Seth stay in his room and have a rest, and had given Sandy some ice to put on his jaw.

"For you or for him?" Sandy said seriously.

"He drank a whole bottle of vodka Sandy. He might slip into a coma overnight or something. I'm having him checked out."

Sandy nodded, still in a state of shock. When Kirsten got off the phone, she immediately went to the fridge, getting out the wine bottle.

"Kirsten what are you doing?" Sandy asked quickly.

"Having a drink…what does it look like?" she replied, getting out a glass.

"You really think that's such a good idea? Especially when our son is sitting in his room drunk, and especially when he tends to copy every single thing you do." Sandy spat out the words almost bitterly.

Kirsten took a breath, looking at him. She put the bottle back in the fridge, and felt herself shaking. She went to put the glass away, but it slipped out of her hand. As it smashed onto the ground, she began to hyperventilate. She ran a hand through her hair, looking over at Sandy, who was watching her intently. He got up from where he was sitting, and hugged her tightly. She collapsed into his arms, thankful that he was still here, even after what had just been going on.

"It's ok. We'll get through this Kirsten." He said, still holding her close.

She pulled back from him, attempting to clean up the broken glass.

"Leave it" he said, pulling her to the table.

He sat her down at one of the chairs, then sat opposite her.

"Why didn't you tell me Kirsten? I had no idea that you were doing that to yourself." He said, taking her hand with his.

"I just, I didn't want to bother you"

"Bother me? I can't believe you even thought that! I love you. We've always been able to talk openly about everything. We've never had to keep secrets before"

"I know. I know all that. It's just…it's a very personal thing. I knew you wouldn't like it, and it would worry you, so I tried to hide it" she said quietly.

He pulled her hand closer to his, pushing up her sleeve as he did so. Kirsten closed her eyes so she didn't have to see her husband's reaction. Sandy felt tears come to his eyes as he looked at his wife's arms. They were covered in small, red scratches. He flipped her arm over gently to reveal her wrists.

"Oh God Kirsten…" he said as his eyes fell on the deep cuts on her wrist. He pushed up her other sleeve, and sure enough, found exactly the same thing; with an ever deeper slash on her wrist.

"God Kirsten…" he repeated. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I don't know ok? I just fell back into an old habit I guess."

"You mean you used to do this?"

"Yeah, when I was about 16 or 17."

Ryan opened the Cohen's front door, coming straight home from school. He was worried about Seth. He had never seen him act the way he was acting today. It scared him a little. The house was quiet, but he could hear people talking softly in the kitchen. He was pretty sure it was Sandy and Kirsten. He walked towards them, but noticed they were deep in conversation at the table. Kirsten's eyes were red, and her cheeks were tear-stained. Seeing her like that stopped him from entering the room. Instead, he listened from outside.

"But why Kirsten? I mean…aren't you happy anymore? Did I do something wrong? Or is it something the boys have done?" he heard Sandy ask.

"No, it's none of those things." She said quietly. "I love all of you more than you will ever know."

"Then what?" Sandy sounded almost frustrated.

"I don't know what happened Sandy. All I know is that lately I've begun to hate myself…"

"Kirsten that's ridiculous…" Sandy interrupted.

"Please just listen to me" she said sternly, talking over the top of him. "You have to understand that it has nothing to do with anyone else. I'm the one that hates me; I'm the one that is sick of being me. It's my problem, no one else's."

"But I can help you. I want to support you"

Kirsten shrugged, tensing up a little bit. She couldn't believe that she had just told Sandy all of that.

"I just…I want to know one more thing…" Sandy began. Ryan suddenly felt like he shouldn't hear the rest. For some reason, he got a feeling that something bad was coming. His feet however, were not moving anywhere.

Sandy took his wife's hands, so that her wrists were showing.

"Are they…" he stuttered, unsure how to put his words. "Did you try and kill yourself Kirsten?"

Kirsten just looked blankly at him, and got up from the table. Before Ryan had time to move, Kirsten walked out of the kitchen.

"Ryan…" she breathed, her eyes falling.

Ryan just stood there looking at her. He was too shocked to even say anything. Actually, he was scared. Really, really scared. Maybe he had just heard wrong? Sandy appeared behind her, his eyes slightly watery, and his jaw slightly bruised. Ryan had so many questions; he didn't know where to start.

"Is that true?" he asked, his voice croaky. He looked at Kirsten, but she wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were focused on the floor, her arms folded protectively in front of her chest.

"Is it true?" he repeated, his voice rising.

Kirsten shook her head, tears once again falling down her cheeks.

"Of course not. It's…It's not like that…" she said through her tears.

Ryan looked at them both uncertainly. Sandy looked hurt. He looked confused. Kirsten looked like a mess, and she was now sobbing quietly.

"Does Seth know?"

"Yeah. He's in a bit of a state now though. The doctor is coming over to check on him" Sandy explained.

"The doctor? What happened to him? Is he ok?" Ryan asked hurriedly, panic setting in.

"He's much better now. After you rang we came home and found him with an empty vodka bottle. No doubt he was pretty messed up."

Ryan nodded, heading towards Seth's room. Turning slowly, he looked back at Kirsten.

"I'm pretty sure he did that because of you Kirsten." He said, and then continued walking.


	10. Chapter 10

Ryan opened Seth's door, poking his head around the wall.

"Hey, you alright?" he asked.

Seth just looked at him blankly, and then turned his head away.

"Seth…I know what's going on. I kind of walked in at the wrong time…"

"Yeah it's great isn't it?" he interrupted sarcastically.

"I know your Mom drinks a lot, but do you really think that getting smashed to prove a point to her is the best way to do things?"

"Well yeah…at the time Ryan…I did. I couldn't work out how else to get through to her, and that was the first thing that popped into my head. And now, she's probably never going to speak to me again…"

"Of course she'll speak to you again Seth, now your just being stupid."

"No I'm not being stupid. If only you had of seen the look on her face when I let her story slip to Dad. She was so hurt." He said, still slurring his words together.

"You mean…" Ryan paused, thinking over the information in his head. "You mean you knew about the cutting thing?"

Seth nodded, running his hands through his hair.

"Why didn't you tell me man? How long have you known?"

"Not that long. I walked in on her doing it the other day. She had blood everywhere, and she wouldn't even look at me."

Ryan let out a long breath, biting his lip. It was then that he noticed something on Seth's wrist also. A white bandage, with a few blood stains seeping through.

"Oh no Seth. Oh God no. Please tell me you didn't…" he stuttered, pointing to his wrist.

Seth jerked it back, shaking his head.

"It's not what you think…"

"How could you? I thought the drinking was bad, but seriously, that's 10 times worse! Just because she does it doesn't mean you have to."

Seth nodded, his eyes focused on the floor.

"Seth…?"

"Alright. Enough already! I think you should leave" he shouted, his hands on his hips.

Ryan gulped back the lump in his throat, and slowly walked out the door. Seth followed, slamming the door as hard as he could, wanting to be alone.

* * *

"Kirsten, where are you going?" Sandy asked, following his wife down the stairs.

"I have to get out of here" she said hurriedly back to him, grabbing a jacket from the couch.

"Why? Please, just stay and talk to me."

"We've done that remember? I told you what you wanted to know."

"Kirsten, don't you think we should talk to the boys? They've been through so much tonight. I can see in their eyes that they're more scared and confused than they've ever been."

Kirsten stopped in her tracks, hanging her head in shame.

"I won't be very long. I just need a few minutes to clear my head ok?"

"Kirsten, please. Don't run away from this" Sandy pleaded.

"I'm not running away from anything!" she said, her voice rising. She scooped up her keys, and headed out the door.

"Argh!" Sandy cursed loudly, as he threw his arms up in frustration.

* * *

Kirsten parked her car at the beach, jumping out, and heading for the sand. She took one look at the crashing waves, before collapsing onto the sand beneath her, sobbing uncontrollably. She had made such a mess of everything. When she saw Seth this afternoon, she really_ had_ wanted to kill herself. Why had she done such a horrible thing to her own son? The look on Ryan's face didn't help either. The way he spat out _"I'm pretty sure he did that because of you Kirsten."_ was still ringing over and over in her mind. She couldn't get rid of it.

She sat on the beach, crying and shaking uncontrollably. She jumped when she felt someone tap her shoulder. She wiped her eyes, and put on a smile when she saw who it was.

"Kirsten, are you ok?" Marissa asked, Summer standing slightly behind her.

"Hi Marissa, Summer. I'm fine really." She said, trying to put on a fake smile.

"Are you sure? I mean, if you need to talk or something…you know…we'll…wont we Summer?" Marissa said awkwardly.

"Oh yeah, of course Mrs. Cohen. We're here if you need us."

"Thanks girls, that's sweet. But really, I'm fine."

Marissa nodded slowly, watching Kirsten pretend that everything was ok. She could tell that it wasn't though. Kirsten's red eyes, and tear stained cheeks were enough to give it away. That and the fact that she was shaking nervously. But, Marissa could see that she didn't want their help, so she smiled at her, and then kept on walking.

"Kirsten…um…is Seth ok?" Summer asked once Marissa had begun walking.

Kirsten closed her eyes, and ran her hands through her hair.

"I'm not sure Summer."

"What do you mean…?" she asked nervously.

"Seth decided to copy some of his mother's very bad habits today." Kirsten said gravely, looking out at the ocean.

A thousand thoughts went through Summer's head. God she hoped Seth was alright. Something about Kirsten's tone was unnerving her. She'd never seen Seth's Mom act, or talk this way before.

"Summer! Come on!" Marissa shouted when she realized Summer wasn't behind her.

Summer took one last look at the distraught Kirsten, before running after Marissa.

"Coop, we have to go check on the boys. I have a really bad feeling." Summer said seriously.

A/N Hey thanks for all the fantastic reviews! It makes it so much easier to write when you know people actually likewhat your writing! Hope its not too dark or anything...but i promise it will get lighter eventually! please keep reading and reviewing.


	11. Chapter 11

Sandy knocked on the door of the pool house, where he could see Ryan lying on his bed.

"Ryan…" he said, opening the door. "Can I come in?"

"I guess" Ryan answered, not looking away from the ceiling he was staring at.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine"

"No really. Anything you need to talk about?" Sandy asked gently, sitting at the end of his bed.

"I don't think I'm the one that needs to talk" Ryan said calmly back. "Don't you think you should be talking to Seth, or Kirsten?"

"Don't worry about them Ryan. I'll be getting to them, trust me. But first, I want to make sure your ok. Today hasn't been easy for anyone…"

Ryan nodded, trying to get his thoughts into order.

"I just…I feel guilty. I should have noticed there was something going on." He stuttered.

"Ryan, this isn't your fault. None of us were aware of any of this."

"But Seth was. And we both knew that Kirsten wasn't acting herself…but no one bothered to see what was really going on. I just wish we'd talked to her, asked her what was going on you know?"

Sandy sighed, standing up.

"Yeah I know. You're a good kid Ryan, and I think you and I just need to be here for her. And once we sort Seth out, he'll be here to help us too."

Ryan sat up as Sandy left his room.

"Thanks Sandy" he said to his back.

"Take it easy ok?"

Ryan nodded, going back to lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.

* * *

The doctor exited Seth's room, to where Sandy was waiting in the kitchen.

"How is he?" he asked quickly.

"He's fine. Aside from being highly intoxicated, I don't think there's any real damage. He should still go and be fully checked out tomorrow or something though."

"Thanks so much." Sandy said relieved.

"Um, there is actually something else that needs to be spoken about." The doctor said awkwardly.

"Ok…" Sandy agreed, a little suspiciously.

"Look I'm not sure what happened here today, but I still have to ask you a few questions, whether he was drunk or not."

Sandy nodded, gulping back the lump in his throat.

"Now, the cuts on your son's wrist, do you know if they were acts of self-harm?"

"Um, yes they were. My wife and I walked in on him with a razor."

The doctor nodded, pondering his next question.

"And do you think he was trying to commit suicide here today?"

"What?" Sandy asked shocked. "Of course not! I know he wasn't trying to kill himself. He's just…he's had some problems with his mother…and, I'm sure he just got confused."

"Where is Kirsten?" the doctor asked.

"She…um she took off before. It was just a bit much for her" Sandy stuttered.

"Ok" The doctor picked up his bag, searching through it.

"I still need to refer Seth to a therapist. Here's the number of quite a good one…or if you would rather he spoke to his school counselor or therapist, he can do that. As long as he sees someone about it."

"Sure" Sandy said, taking the business card of him.

The doctor smiled slightly, letting himself out of the Cohen house.

* * *

Summer and Marissa got to the boys house, all of a sudden a little nervous about going in to see them. Something was definitely not right.

Summer knocked on the door timidly, stepping back a little when Sandy opened the door. His face was tired, and his eyes were fallen.

"Hi Mr. Cohen" she said.

"Hey girls. I uh…I don't think the boys are up for visitors tonight."

"Has something happened to them?" Marissa asked quickly.

"No, there fine now. It's just; it's been a really long day for both of them. I'll tell them you dropped by, but maybe you should just come back tomorrow."

Summer nodded, not wanting to push Sandy.

"Um, we just saw Kirsten on the beach…"

"Is she ok?" he interrupted.

"Uh…I don't know. She was really crying. She didn't look too good."

"Oh no" Sandy breathed, running his hands through his hair. He should go find her, but he couldn't leave the boys alone…especially not Seth.

He looked at the two girls in front of them. He could tell they were confused and worried about their boyfriends. Maybe it would do the boys some good to talk to the girls alone for a little while?

"Actually, come in girls. I should go find Kirsten. I'll go and get Ryan for you"

The girls followed Sandy in, watching as he ran outside to the pool house. Sandy came back, grabbing his car keys.

"Look after them" he said seriously, before taking off.

"What? Why? What does he mean?" Summer said frustrated.

Ryan emerged, his face looking he same as Sandy's did. Tired, withdrawn, upset. He stopped where he was, just looking at the girls. His eyes focused on Marissa, and before she knew it he was hugging her tightly, not ever wanting to let go.


	12. Chapter 12

"Are you sure? I mean…Kirsten really doesn't seem like the type…" Marissa asked gently, after Ryan had finally explained what was going on to the girls.

Ryan shrugged. "Do you really think that anyone's actually the type for something like that?"

"No I guess not…"

Ryan looked at Summer, who hadn't said anything since Ryan had been talking.

"Seth's going to be fine Sum."

"I hope so…." She paused, wondering if she should say what was going through her head.

"What is it Summer?" Marissa asked, knowing her friend was pondering something else.

"Well, Seth told me about his mom. He mentioned it a couple of days ago, but he wasn't sure. He was just guessing. Then this morning, he came to my house and told me he walked in on her doing it. He was so devastated." Summer explained.

"You knew?" Ryan shouted.

"Hey, I thought Seth naturally would have mentioned it to you ok?"

"I can't believe this…" Ryan said angrily, pacing up and down in the living room. "Was I like the only person in Newport that didn't know about this?"

"I wanted to tell you man. But I was trying to fix her first. I thought I could do it." Seth said from behind them, emerging from his room.

The three spun quickly to look at Seth. Summer jumped up, throwing her arms around him. He hugged her closely.

"I'm so glad you're ok" she whispered.

"You're not mad?" he asked.

"Why would I be mad?"

"Everyone else is mad. Dad's mad, the doctor was mad, Mom's really mad. I just thought you would be too."

"They're not mad at you Seth" Ryan said. "They love you, and they're just really, really worried. I think you're Mom and Dad just got a shock."

"I'm sorry for snapping at you before Ryan…I was just…" Seth stuttered.

"It's ok. Don't worry about it" Ryan said with a smile.

Seth and Summer sat on the couch, while Ryan sat on the coffee table, and Marissa sat on one of the arm rests. They sat in silence for a little while, the boys just happy to have some company.

"Where's Mom now?" Seth asked, breaking the silence.

"She took off a while ago. The girls saw her down at the beach. She was just crying and stuff. Sandy's gone to look for her." Ryan answered.

Seth nodded, biting his lip. Although he still felt a little floaty form the alcohol, he was sobering up…quickly. All of a sudden things were coming back to him. Flashes of what had happened hours before.

"Oh God" he said aloud.

"What?" Summer asked quietly, holding his hand.

"I think I punched Dad"

Ryan chuckled slightly, and so did the girls. Seth's sudden out-of-the-blue memory made them all giggle, and soon they were all in fits of laughter.

"You know what…that could explain why your dad had a swollen jaw" Marissa said when they had finally stopped laughing.

"Yeah and his bloody lip!" Ryan added.

They grinned at each other, and knew that as long as they stuck together, they'd get through this. The guys were going to be going through some really hard stuff at home, and the girls knew that they had to be there…every step of the way, whether Seth and Ryan wanted them there or not.

* * *

Sandy hopped out of his car after parking it next to Kirsten's. He looked down towards the beach, searching the sand. He breathed a sigh of relief when he finally caught sight of her. She was sitting on the ground, her legs pulled up to her chest. She had her jacket pulled tightly around her, and as Sandy got closer, he could see her shaking. As he stood behind her, he could just hear her soft crying.

"Kirsten…" he said softly, sitting on the ground beside her.

"I told you to leave me alone for a while" she said, knowing who it was.

"I want you to come home"

"Why…has something happened?" she asked, quickly looking at him.

"No, everything's fine. The doctor came by before to check on Seth."

"Is he ok?"

"He thinks so. He recommends that we still go get him checked out tomorrow, but he said he'll be right to just sleep it off."

Kirsten nodded, relief washing over her body.

"He does however; think that he needs some other help. A therapists help" Sandy added.

Kirsten said nothing, just looked out at the ocean. She did this to him. She had caused him so much pain. She'd stuffed up his life, just like her parents stuffed up hers. She had always vowed that she would never, ever follow in her parent's footsteps. And yet, at the moment, she was doing the exact same things.

"Honey…did you hear me?" Sandy asked when she didn't answer. She was frowning, and he could tell she was thinking.

"Yeah, I heard you"

"I know today's been…confronting, but are you ok?" he asked, leaning over a bit so he could actually see her face.

Kirsten shrugged, unsure of what to say. She took one look at her husband, and realized exactly why she needed him so much. His eyes were full of concern and his soft, soothing voice made her body tingle. It always had. As she looked into his eyes, it was as though they found each other.

"I'm so sorry Sandy. I love you. I love the boys. I'm just so sorry" she said, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Hey, it's ok" he said reassuringly, wiping at her tears with his thumb. "It's ok. I love you Kirsten. I'd die if anything ever happened to you."

He pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her. As she cried softly, he held her close, hugging her with everything he had. He wished they could stay like this forever.


	13. Chapter 13

When Sandy and Kirsten arrived home that night, Seth and Ryan were in the kitchen, making dinner. They weren't saying anything, but they both looked deep in thought.

"You guys are cooking?" Sandy asked in disbelief.

"We thought everyone could do with a good meal" Ryan said.

"Are the girls still here?"

"No, they left a few minutes ago."

Sandy nodded, walking up behind Ryan.

"My God…honey…there's actual food in this pan!"

Kirsten smiled, looking at her two boys. They were acting so strong about all of this. Well Ryan was anyway. Seth on the other hand didn't look quite as strong as his brother did, but he was definitely trying. Sandy glanced at Kirsten, and she nodded at him.

"I'm going to go get washed up for dinner then" Sandy said, leaving Kirsten and the boys alone.

Kirsten walked up behind Ryan as well, and he turned to face her.

"I'm sorry Kirsten. I didn't mean to say such a horrible thing before, I was just…"

"It's ok. You don't have to explain" she said, cutting off his stuttering sentences. "I'm sorry too."

Ryan smiled, before glancing over at Seth. Kirsten knew he was telling her to go and see him now. She knew deep down that Ryan would be ok. Seth on the other hand…well she wasn't quite so sure.

"Seth…" she said quietly to his back.

He didn't turn around, just continued chopping up vegetables; something Kirsten had never been able to get him to do!

She touched his shoulder, and he slowly stopped what he was doing.

"I'm sorry" she breathed.

"I'm sorry too Mom" he answered.

"I didn't mean to put you in such an awkward situation. I'm a horrible person for doing that to you."

"You're not a horrible person Mom, and I will never think of you like that. Neither will Ryan"

"We just want to help you" Ryan added.

Kirsten nodded slowly, thankful that her boys had forgiven her. She pulled Seth into a hug, then outstretched her other hand to Ryan. As the three of them stood hugging in the middle of the kitchen, Kirsten couldn't shake the fact that Seth hadn't looked at her the entire time they had been talking. Could just be the alcohol, but it could be something more? Obviously, she'd just have to wait and see.

* * *

"I can't believe the boys made dinner" Sandy said at the end of the night, as he and Kirsten were getting ready for bed.

"Yeah, and the surprising thing was…that it was actually pretty good!"

"Evidently they don't take after you then!" he said smirking.

Kirsten feigned shock, throwing a pillow at him.

"I'm glad you sorted it out with them though."

"Yeah me too. Seth still seemed a little distant but" she said.

"Give him time. He's been through a lot. He'll warm up."

Kirsten nodded, wanting to believe her husbands words. Unfortunately, she had a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that said that things would never quite be the same again.

* * *

Seth and Ryan were sitting on the couch, still watching television.

"So what happens now? Do we just all go on living and pretend that nothing ever happened?" Seth asked,

"I don't know, maybe."

"You got to admit, dinner was awkward tonight. I don't know if I want it to be like that from now on…"

"It won't be Seth. Sandy knows now. He will be able to help her, you know that." Ryan said cutting him off.

"Yeah I guess your right." Seth got off the couch, handing Ryan the remote. "I'm gonna go to bed"

"Yeah me too" Ryan said, switching it off.

Seth headed to his room, his head throbbing. He'd got an awful headache after dinner. He didn't want to say anything though. Knowing his parents they'd ring the doctor again! He shut his bedroom door, switching on his radio. He took the bandage off from his wrist, checking out his scars. They were still there…just as scars should be. He was somewhat relieved when he saw them. Although he didn't really remember doing them, there was something almost relaxing about knowing he had done them. He may not be in control of anything else happening in his life, but he could definitely be in control of that. He quietly stepped back out of his room, making sure no one was around. The house was quiet. Eerily quiet. He opened the fridge, grabbing one of his mother's bottles of wine. His mind was still working over time. Hopefully, this would help him sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Kirsten woke early the next morning, feeling like she's actually had a good nights sleep. That was definitely something that hadn't happened in a while. She quietly slipped out of bed, not wanting to wake Sandy. She headed down the stairs to the kitchen. Half expecting to see Seth there, she was disappointed when the kitchen was dead quiet. She went to his room, just wanting to see him. She stopped outside his door. If he was awake he was going to think she was checking up on him. She knew first hand what that felt like, and also how much she hated it. Pondering what to do, she jumped when she felt someone's hand on her shoulder.

"Sorry" Ryan said, not intending to scare her.

"It's ok. I was just…you know…"

"I was coming to check on him too" Ryan admitted.

Kirsten smiled. "Great minds think alike I guess"

"Obviously" Ryan smiled back, walking in front of her and opening Seth's door. He could tell she felt a bit uncomfortable about it.

Seth was fast asleep, quite unusual for him. He was usually the one waking up Ryan at all hours of the morning. Ryan frowned, thinking hard. Something wasn't quite right here. He could feel it.

Kirsten walked a little closer to her sleeping son, picking up on a similar vibe to Ryan's. He had the covers almost covering his face, so she pulled them back a little. She took a step back when she noticed his other wrist. Those cuts definitely weren't there yesterday. As more guilt washed through her body, she touched him lightly on the shoulder, but he didn't even flinch.

"Seth…" she said.

"Seth…" she repeated, a little louder. Shaking him a little, she shot a horrified look at Ryan.

Ryan was standing there in shock, unsure what to do.

"Something's wrong with him Ryan" she said hurriedly. "He's not waking up"

"Is he still breathing?" Ryan asked, putting his head on his chest.

Kirsten ran into the kitchen to grab the phone. Tears began to fall form her eyes as she dialed the number. What on earth had she done now? She walked back into his room, to see Ryan still desperately trying to wake him up.

"He's not waking up, but he's still breathing" he said, tears also falling from his eyes.

Kirsten nodded, holding the phone to her ear. Ryan could see she was about to break. She was breathing heavily, and she had gone very pale in colour. Ryan took the phone off her, taking her arm.

"I'll do it. Go and wake Sandy"

Kirsten closed her eyes, choking on her tears. Heading out the door, she could hear Ryan talking in the background.

"Yeah…I need an ambulance. He's not breathing. We can't wake him up…"

_He's not breathing. We can't wake him up._ The words echoed through Kirsten's head as she bolted up the stairs. _Oh god…Oh God_…she started to panic inside. She felt like she was going to be sick. She raced to their room, to see Sandy sleepily roll over.

"Kirsten. What's wrong?" He asked, noticing the expression on her face.

"It's Seth…" she said through her tears. The room felt like it was spinning around her. Her head was throbbing. She still felt like being sick.

Sandy jumped out of bed, just in time to grab her as she collapsed.

* * *

"I need you to stay here with Kirsten" Sandy said once the ambulance had picked Seth up.

"I want to go to the hospital Sandy. I need to see if he's alright…" Ryan said, tears still falling from his eyes.

Sandy put his hands on his shoulders, feeling him shaking.

"Please. Stay with her. I'll call you as soon as I know what's happening."

Ryan nodded, watching Sandy grab his keys and fly out the door. Ryan stood in the middle of the kitchen, before breaking down. Seth was his brother. If anything had happened to him…he wouldn't be able to cope. He waited a few minutes until he had calmed down a bit, before walking up the stairs. Standing in her doorway, he saw the passed out Kirsten on her bed. Her face was pale, and she seemed to be sweating. Ryan went into the bathroom, and got a damped cloth. He held it to her forehead, sitting on the bed beside her sleeping figure.

* * *

Sandy ran through the emergency room doors, heading straight to a nurse on the front desk.

"My son…he was brought in here a few minutes ago. Seth Cohen…"

"The doctors are with him now. I'll take you to a waiting area."

"But is he going to be ok? I need to know now…please…is he going to be alright?" Sandy asked pleadingly.

The nurse looked at him sympathetically, shaking her head.

"I really don't know."

He followed her in a daze to another room, a much quieter one. Sitting down, he felt tears come to his eyes. If anything happened to Seth…it literally would break their family.


	15. Chapter 15

"Mr. Cohen?"

Sandy jumped up from where he was sitting, rushing over to where the doctor was standing.

"Is he ok?" he blurted out.

"He's going to be fine…"

Sandy breathed a sigh of relief. He felt like jumping for joy, but was too emotionally drained to do so. He was just so glad that he was ok.

"Your son suffered what we call alcohol poisoning. We had to pump his stomach, but he has regained consciousness."

Sandy nodded eagerly, without really letting the doctor's words sink in. _Alcohol poisoning?_ _Alcohol poisoning? Oh my God…_

"But…the doctor checked him out last night. He said that he would be fine to sleep it off." Sandy said confused.

"Can you give me the doctor's number? I'll need to speak to him…"

Sandy searched through his wallet, his hands shaking a little.

"Can I see him now?" he asked, handing the doctor the card.

"Um, not right now. A nurse will come and get you when you are allowed in."

Sandy nodded, rubbing his hand over his face.

As the doctor left, Sandy took out his cell phone, dialing his home number.

* * *

Ryan sat in the same spot, still watching the sleeping Kirsten. She'd stopped sweating, but her face still looked pale. What was taking so bloody long? Sandy said he'd call when he knew anything. It had been over an hour already. The sound of the phone ringing interrupted his thoughts. He lunged for the phone.

"Hello?" he said breathlessly, walking out of the room with the phone.

"Ryan. It's Sandy…"

"What's going on? Is he ok?"

"The doctor said he's going to be fine. He had a bad case of alcohol poisoning…so they pumped his stomach…but that's all I know right now."

Ryan closed his eyes, silently thanking whoever it was up there that had saved Seth.

"Are you still there?" Sandy asked when Ryan stopped talking.

"Um yeah…I thought the doctor checked him out last night though?"

"Yeah well so did I. How's Kirsten?" he added quickly, ashamed that he had forgotten his wife had fainted before he left.

"Um, she's still out of it. But don't worry; I'm taking care of her."

"Ok. I'll call you again later."

"Ok. Bye."

Ryan hung up, letting out a long sigh of relief. He walked back to the bedroom, a little startled to see Kirsten now sitting up.

"Who was on the phone?" she asked groggily, rubbing her eyes. She had heard bits of the conversation, but it hadn't made much sense to her.

"Uh, that was Sandy…"

"Oh my God…SETH?" she said loudly, jumping off the bed. Everything had just come flooding back to her. She couldn't work out why she had been sleeping…unless it was actually all a horrible dream. She took Ryan by the shoulders, shaking him a little.

"Is he alive?" she asked weakly.

Ryan nodded, looking into her eyes.

"Sandy said he's going to be fine…"

Kirsten let out a long breath, biting her bottom lip. Hugging Ryan tightly, she felt tears fall from her eyes again. Although at the moment, they were tears of joy.

"We should get to the hospital" she said, grabbing her shoes.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright though? You've been out of it for a good hour?" Ryan asked concerned.

"I'm fine. We should be at the hospital" she said sternly.

Ryan nodded again, heading down the stairs. He ducked down into Seth's room, still intrigued by his alcohol poisoning. He scanned his room, not really seeing anything unusual. He headed around the other side of his bed, almost tripping over something on the floor. Bending down, he found the empty bottles.

"That might explain it" he said aloud, cross that no one had realized yet again.

"Explain what?" Kirsten asked, hearing Ryan's comment.

Ryan looked up from Seth's bedroom floor, unsure whether he should mention it.

"Ryan…what is it?" she asked, walking a little closer, her voice shaking.

Oh what the hell! She was going to find out sooner or later. He held up the empty bottles he had found, keeping his eyes focused on Kirsten. He watched her eyes fall, and her face glaze over.

"We should get to the hospital" she said, gulping back the lump in her throat.

"I'll drive" Ryan offered.

She held out the keys to him, and he took them off her. As their hands met, he gripped hers tightly.

"It's going to be alright. I know it is."


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N Thanks to everyones whos reading and reviewing this my story! I didn't think it was going to turn out that great...so you guys have really inspired me. You guys rock! Hope you like this chapter, it's slightly longer than the others. It's all going to start coming together now hopefully...)_

* * *

"Sandy" Kirsten breathed, rushing over to where her husband was sitting.

"What are you doing here? Are you feeling…?"

"I'm fine, really." She interrupted a reassuring tone in her voice.

"I tried to tell her she should be resting…" Ryan added form behind her.

"Where is he? Is he ok? Is he awake yet?"

"Hey, hey, calm down" Sandy said, hugging his wife close. "I don't know anything more than what I told you on the phone"

"This is all my fault…" she said quietly, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

He pulled away, rubbing his hands up and down her shoulders.

"None of this is your fault…you hear me?" he waited for a reply, but didn't get one. He bent down a little, trying to get within her gaze.

"Kirsten…look at me…"

He put a hand under her chin, and she slowly raised her head. She looked deep into his eyes, and he made sure that she couldn't look away.

"This isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself for this."

Kirsten nodded her head slowly, closing her eyes. He kissed her lightly on the lips, getting her to sit down with him. Kirsten looked back at Ryan, who was standing awkwardly in the same spot.

"Ah…Ryan found some empty bottles in Seth's room this morning." She said.

"What?" Sandy asked the shock evident in his voice. "How many empty bottles?"

"Um, two. It was wine out of the fridge."

Sandy sighed, putting his head in his hands.

"How could he have been so stupid? Does he have a death wish or something?"

Kirsten looked at her husband, a little shocked at what he had just said.

"I can't believe that just came out of your mouth" she muttered quietly.

"Well what the hell am I meant to think Kirsten?" he snapped back.

She shot him a look, and then just rolled her eyes at him.

"You think this is easy for me? To watch our son stand by and do this to himself?" he asked, frustrated at the fact she was arguing with him.

"And what…you think this is easy for me or something?"

"Hey you definitely seem to know more about this than I do…you seem to be an expert"

Kirsten stared at him in horror, not believing that her husband was saying this to her. They were getting on so well before…how do things change so quickly? She really didn't feel like getting into another heated argument right now though. She stood up quickly, heading out the door to cool off. Ryan reached out to her, but she shrugged him off.

"Kirsten…Kirsten wait…" Sandy called to her back. He kicked his chair angrily, pissed off that they were both snapping, when they should be supporting each other.

He looked over at Ryan, who was staring angrily in Sandy's direction. Sandy said nothing, just turned away from his now fuming son. He turned back around, startled to find Ryan literally breathing down his neck.

"Ryan…please stay out of this" he said calmly.

"I'm not staying out of anything." He spat angrily, grabbing hold of Sandy's tie.

"Come on Ryan" Sandy said, but Ryan just dragged him closer.

"Don't you ever talk to Kirsten like that again, you hear me? You don't think that she's hurting just as much as you are…if not more?"

"I know she's hurting"

Ryan scoffed, letting go of his father.

"Could have fooled me."

He gave Sandy one more glare, before turning sharply and heading out the door, just as Kirsten had done. He wanted to stay…for Seth's sake…but the way Sandy and Kirsten were right now…he wasn't so sure he wanted to be anywhere near the Cohen's. Well…not when they were in the same room anyway.

* * *

Kirsten stood outside the hospital doors, breathing deeply. She was so sick of fighting with Sandy all the time. Even when their son was lying in a hospital bed…they were still at each others throats. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Ryan walk out of the hospital as well. He caught her gaze, giving her a weak smile.

"I'm going to get Summer. She should know about this."

Kirsten nodded, waving him on.

"Oh and Kirsten…" Ryan said, stopping in his tracks. "Don't let him talk to you like that"

Kirsten smiled slowly, watching Ryan leave.

"Kirsten…"

She spun around, seeing her husband standing in the doorway, looking a little nervous about calling her name.

"What is it?"

"We can go in and see Seth now…"

* * *

Seth was sitting up in his bed, unsure if he really wanted to see his parents at all. Truth was; he was scared. He was scared at what they would think of him and what they would say to him. He didn't really have much time to think about it though, because before he knew it, he had his father rush into his room.

"Oh Seth. I'm so glad you're ok. We were so worried." He said, hugging his son.

"Glad to see you too Dad" Seth said, a little sarcastically.

When Sandy eventually let go of him, Seth scanned the room for his mother.

"Where's Mom?" he asked anxiously.

"I'm here Seth" she whispered, appearing from the doorway. She hugged him tightly, relief washing through her.

"Actually, I want to talk to Mom alone" he said, turning to his father.

Sandy, although a little hurt, agreed to his son's wishes. He shot a quick look at his wife, hoping to get something out of her, but she gave him nothing. Her eyes were cold and unreadable, as was her body language. Kirsten waited until Sandy was out of the room, before pulling up a chair beside the bed.

"What is it Seth?" she asked, nervously awaiting what it was he wanted to say.

"I did all of this, because I love you…"

Kirsten could already feel tears coming to her eyes. She didn't want to hear the rest. She didn't feel like being told about what a horrible mother she was. She knew that already.

"I know that you and Dad are going to say how stupid I've been…but maybe I'm just too dumb to think of any other option."

"You're not dumb Seth…" she said, shaking her head.

"Please Mom, just let me finish." She watched him take a deep breath, his eyes small and tired looking.

"I know it was stupid, but I wanted you to understand how it felt to be me. How it felt to have to watch you drink bottle after bottle, night after night. How it felt to have to watch you cutting yourself. How it felt to have to watch you and Dad fighting all the time." He paused; not wanting to push her too far, but her face was incomprehensible. "How it felt for me, having to watch you look so unhappy every day."

"Why didn't you ever talk to me about this? Or your father? If we're doing something to upset you, it's up to you to tell us how you feel…we've had that policy since you were little."

"I know, but sometimes it's hard to tell someone things like that. Sometimes it was hard to find a spare moment, in between you drinking all the time, and you and Dad fighting, I couldn't really find the right moment you know."

Kirsten bit her lip, watching her son as he poured his heart out to her.

"What about your father, and Ryan, and Summer? Did you think about them?"

"What about me, and Ryan, and Dad? Did _you_ think about us?"

Kirsten shook her head sadly, tears falling from her eyes.

"You're right. I didn't think about you. I'm a selfish, horrible bitch who doesn't deserve to have such a loving and forgiving family." She said through sobs.

"Oh please…I've met way bigger bitches than you Mom" Seth joked, glad that he had been able to make his Mom smile just then.

"Look, I don't care what you do Mom…all I'm asking is that you get some help. Some _real _help. I'll go with you if you really want me too, I'm sure Dad would as well. He loves you. I love you. I just want you to talk to someone about it, so they can help you." Seth was pleading with his mother now.

She looked at him, for the first time seeing the desperation etched into his face. He really had done this because of her. The scary thing was that it actually _had_ made her more aware of the problem. Of her problem. She got herself into this mess, so she should be able to get herself out of it. For Seth's sake, for Ryan's sake and for Sandy's sake. But most of all, for herself. The only thing that was coming out of her stupid behaviour was hurt. All she was doing was hurting everyone that loved her, and hurting herself.

"I promise Seth. I swear to you…I'm going to get help…"


	17. Chapter 17

_Thanks for your reviews! Keep on letting me know what you think please!_

* * *

"Oh God…."

Ryan held out his arms as Summer stumbled slightly.

"But…but…I thought the doctor checked him last night?" she said, holding back her tears.

"He did, and he was fine last night."

"So…what? This isn't making sense Ryan?" she asked confused.

"He kept drinking last night. When everyone went to bed. The amount he drank, plus the vodka he had drunk earlier…well it was enough…" he explained, his voice beginning to trail off.

Summer eyes glazed over, as what Ryan was telling her began to sink in. He had done this on purpose. Was he that desperate that he had thought that was the only way? Was he really that unhappy…or was this his reaction to Kirsten and her problems?

"Do you want me to drive you to the hospital?"

Summer nodded, her mind still trying to make sense of what was happening

* * *

Kirsten nervously walked out of her son's room, to where her husband was waiting outside the door.

"Is he ok?" he asked.

"Yeah. He's going to be fine" she said, before beginning to walk down the hall.

"Kirsten…where are you going?" he called; a look of confusion on his face.

"There's something that I really need to do"

Sandy looked at the serious expression on his wife's face, before nodding his head and heading back to Seth's room.

* * *

Summer rushed into the hospital, as Ryan looked around for any sign of Sandy or Kirsten. They weren't in the waiting room anymore. Maybe they had gone in to see him?

"Seth Cohen?" he asked breathlessly at the front desk. "Have my parents gone in to see him already?"

"Yes they have actually. I'll take you to his room."

Summer and Ryan followed the nurse down the hall, and Ryan immediately saw Sandy in the corridor.

"Sandy…" he called, breaking into a run.

"Hey Ryan, Summer. Seth's awake now. He's already spoken to me and his mother. I think he'll want to see you guys too."

As he let Summer in, he grabbed hold of Ryan's arm.

"I'm sorry about before Ryan. I shouldn't have spoken to Kirsten like that."

"It's ok. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did…"

Sandy smiled, giving Ryan a quick hug.

"Thanks for being there for her Ryan. I know I haven't been handling all of this terribly well…but you…you've been there for her. "

Ryan smiled, heading inside quickly so as to avoid the awkward moment.

* * *

She stopped dead in her tracks, not wanting to go any further. She had promised him she would get help…but now…she was chickening out. Big time.

"Can I help you with something?" someone said from behind her.

She spun round quickly, the lady's sparkling green eyes looking at her kindly.

"Umm…no…" she stuttered nervously, now backing out completely.

"I must have got lost" she lied, heading towards the exit.

"What were you looking for?" she asked, but Kirsten didn't reply.

Kirsten hurried out of the therapy department of the hospital, shaking her head in frustration. She was so weak. She had no courage whatsoever. She had promised, for Seth that she would do this. And yet here she was, running away, just like she usually did. She walked through the car park, taking her keys from her bag. She unlocked her car, and sat inside. Reaching into her glove box, she pulled out a silver flask. Her hands trembled, so much so that she could hardly unscrew the lid. She finally opened it, gulping down the liquid without a second thought. She told Seth she'd get help for the cutting…and truthfully…she was pretty sure she could stop that on her own. She needed to take baby steps here. One thing at a time. As much as she hoped, she knew there was no quick fix for her problems. She wished that they would suddenly disappear, but she leant a long time ago that that was never going to happen. She was alright with giving up the cutting. Her family knew now…they would all be watching her like hawks anyway. She'd just have to be a little more careful around them now. She didn't like having to drink in secret…but she couldn't really see any other way. If they tried to take away her drinking as well, there was no doubt that she would literally fall to pieces.


	18. Chapter 18

"Umm…Summer…your kind of hurting me…"

"Oh, sorry" she said embarrassed, letting go of her boyfriend. All she wanted to do was hold him. She never wanted to let him go ever again.

"Don't ever scare us like that again ok man?" Ryan said.

"I'm sorry you guys. I know I've stuffed up. It's just…she wouldn't listen to me. I couldn't just stand by and watch my mother hurt herself like that."

"Sh..it's ok…" Summer said soothingly, touching his hand.

"We understand why you did it."

Seth nodded, thanking his brother with his eyes.

"She promised that's she's really going to get some help though…" Seth said brightly.

"That's great" Ryan said, smiling. "I'm going to get some coffee. You guys want anything?"

"Oh my God…coffee would be soooo awesome right now!"

Ryan grinned at his brother, knowing that he was still the same old Seth.

Once Ryan had left, Summer went back to hugging Seth. Seth wrapped his arms around her, relieved that maybe now his life could go back to normal.

"I love you Cohen" She whispered.

"I love you too Summer"

---

Two weeks later, things were running perfectly in the Cohen household. Seth spent a few nights in hospital, but other than that was doing fine. Sandy had organized for him to speak to the school counselor, and the once a week sessions really were a great help to him. Kirsten was also doing really well. A little too well actually. Sandy however, was proud of her. She'd given up the cutting with ease, and now, was concentrating on being the perfect mother and wife. While at first, Sandy was thrilled at his wife's sudden turn around, he'd come to realise that it was way too good to be true. Kirsten was putting on an act…and a damm good one too. Her false front had had both him and the boys fooled. Kirsten was bright and happy all the time, and everyday it became cleared and clearer to Sandy that his wife was acting. She was pretending to be cured…pretending to be perfect…pretending to be happy.

---

"Kirsten…" Sandy called from the front door.

Kirsten fumbled with her flask of vodka, screwing the lid on tightly and throwing it back into her bag.

"In here" she called, zipping up her bag and taking hold of her spiked lemon squash.

"Hey honey. How was your day?" he asked, kissing her on the cheek.

"It was ok. How bout yours?"

"Nothing special. Do you feel like going out to dinner or something tonight?"

Kirsten put on a fake smile, nodding her head.

"Sure. That'd be great" she answered, taking a sip of her drink.

"Ok, I'll make reservations…"

Kirsten waited till her husband left the room before letting her expression fall. Taking another sip of her drink, she could hear him talking in the hall. At first things had really been going rather well between them. Sandy was happy that their lives were back to normal, and she had been doing a pretty good job of pretending that things were ok again. When she was with Sandy or the boys, she put on her bravest smile, and laughed and joked with them. When she was by herself however, it was a very different story. She had been drinking even more so now, practically adding vodka to everything she drank. Lemonade, soda water; even her juice in the morning. The last few days it felt like Sandy was getting suspicious again. He was looking at her differently, and watching her more intently. She was just waiting for him to bring something up…waiting for the interrogation. The last thing in the world that she wanted to do was have to go out to dinner…she knew that was probably when he'd bring it all up. She sighed, gulping down the rest of her drink. If she didn't go, she'd be letting her cover slip.

---

"You look beautiful" Sandy breathed as Kirsten walked towards him.

"I do not" she said embarrassed.

"You do too. We better get going though or we'll be late."

Kirsten nodded, following her husband to the door.

"Oh, shoot. I think I left my wallet upstairs." He handed her the car keys, before turning and walking back upstairs.

Kirsten headed outside, opening the passenger side door of the car. Taking her flask out of her purse, she took a long sip out of it. She'd managed to refill it while Sandy was in the shower…she knew that she'd need it tonight.

"Found it" he said, closing the front door.

Kirsten smiled sweetly at him as he opened to door, and sat down in the driver's seat.

---

After they had ordered, Sandy sat back, watching Kirsten sip at her glass of water.

"So…Seth's been better lately don't you think?" he asked, hoping to kick off the conversation.

"Yeah. I think he's definitely improved."

"So have you…"

She smiled nervously, knowing that it was coming. The million questions, the assumptions.

"I guess."

"You are happy though aren't you? I mean, you seem on the outside to be happy, but I can't tell if that's just a false front…"

"A false front?" she asked in disbelief.

"You know what I mean. I don't want you to pretend everything's ok just to make me happy."

"Look, I appreciate your concern Sandy…but really…everything is fine. I'm not pretending to be happy…I am happy." Maybe if she said it enough, she would actually believe it herself.

"Ok…I just…I can't help but worry Kirsten."

She glanced nervously out the corner of her eye, her hands beginning to shake under the white clothed table. She had to get out. She couldn't do this right now.

"I'll be right back. I've got to go to the bathroom."

She exited quickly, before Sandy even had time to say anything. She swung the door open forcefully, her hands still trembling. Locking herself in a stall, she opened her purse. Taking out her flask, she unscrewed the lid, sipping at the vodka like it was water. It didn't seem to be doing anything though. It wasn't relaxing her like it usually did. She couldn't feel it doing anything at all. Holding the flask back up to her lips, she continued to throw the entire content of it down her throat.


	19. Chapter 19

Sandy waited anxiously at the table, unsure whether he should have gone after her. She left rather abruptly, and he was worried that he may have upset her. Just as he was about to get up, he saw her emerge from the bathroom.

Even though she had just drunk an entire flask of vodka in a matter of minutes, Kirsten was oddly surprised at the fact it had done absolutely nothing. Aside from the burning in her throat, she still felt fine.

"Everything ok?" Sandy asked as she sat down again.

"Yep" she answered, smiling at him.

Sandy smiled back, noticing his wife's eyes as he did so. They were glassy and tired looking. Sandy couldn't get over the fact that it looked as though she was someplace else.

"I'm sorry for asking so many questions before. I didn't mean to upset you, or make you uncomfortable."

"Oh no Sandy. It's fine, honestly"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure. I overreacted. It was just my drama queen side coming out" she said, giggling slightly. Sandy noticed this slight giggle, as it seemed quite out of character. Kirsten wasn't really the giggling type.

Kirsten bit her lower lip, mainly at the fact she had just_ giggled_ like she was a teenager. Suddenly, the vodka seemed to hit her like a tonne of bricks. Her legs were tingly, her head was fuzzy, and she felt hot all over. She began to panic when she saw Sandy looking at her strangely. She shouldn't have drunk it so fast. He was surely going to notice…

Sandy watched his wife, realizations beginning to set in. Her actions were pointing to it. He prayed to God that he was way off, but in the back of his mind, he knew that he was probably right.

"I can't believe you" he said, shaking his head.

"Sorry?" she asked, fumbling for her glass of water.

"You've been drinking again"

"I have not!" she retorted.

"I'm not an idiot Kirsten. You might think you can fool me…"

"I'm not trying to fool you!"

"How much did you drink when you left just then?" he asked quietly, disappointment in his voice.

"I didn't drink anything Sandy, Jesus…how many times to I have to say it?" She put her glass of water back on the table angrily, smashing the glass. People began to turn, staring at the Cohen's after hearing the commotion.

"Come on Kirsten, we're going home" Sandy said, sensing people eyes on him. He knew Kirsten would hate it if the Newpsies started spreading gossip about her. He stood up quickly, trying to act normal.

"What? Why?"

"You're drunk. I don't want you to cause a scene here" he said, lowering his tone completely.

"I am not drunk Sandy!" she continued to shout, her words beginning to slur.

"Get up Kirsten" he said, a little more sternly.

She scoffed, pushing back her chair and stumbling to her feet. Sandy took her hand, steadying her. He placed a hand on her lower back, guiding her out of the restaurant.

---

Sandy opened the front door, still holding onto Kirsten as she walked.

"You guys are home early" Seth said, entering the hall.

"Seth…" Sandy said, trying to warn his son.

Seth looked at his mother, and he could see instantly that she was drunk. She shrugged Sandy's hands off her, heading for the stairs.

"What happened?" Seth asked, worriedly watching his mother.

"I'm going to go make sure she's ok…then we all need to have a talk. Ryan as well."

Seth nodded at his father, watching as he too walked up the stairs.

---

"Is she ok?"

"She's fine" Sandy said, getting the boys to sit at the kitchen bench.

They watched him curiously, unsure what he wanted to talk to them about.

Sandy didn't want to beat around the bush. He just wanted to say what he had been planning in his head.

"Kirsten is an alcoholic. Your mother needs help, and I can't help her anymore. I've tried…I've tried so hard…but I can't change her."

Ryan gulped back the lump in his throat. He knew this was coming. As soon as Seth had told him his mother was drunk again, and Sandy wanted to talk to them…he knew.

"She promised…she promised me she'd stop…" Seth said disheartened.

"I know Seth. She promised me too. She promised all of us."

"She can promise all she likes. If she really is an alcoholic, she's going to be making empty promises for a long time" Ryan added, putting his hand on Seth's back.

"Exactly; this is why we need to get her_ real_ help."

"What do you mean?" Seth asked anxiously.

"I want to send her to rehab"

"Rehab?" Seth shot back shocked. "You want to send her away?"

"She needs help Seth. Nothing you or me or Ryan can do is going to help her. She's too far gone." Sandy explained. He wished he didn't have to do it like this. He wished he could find some other way…but he was tired. He couldn't keep doing this anymore. It was hurting him too much to see her like this.

"Your Dad's right Seth. She needs help. And it won't be forever…"

"A few months at the most"

Sandy looked at Seth, who wasn't looking at anyone. He looked at Ryan, who nodded. Ryan knew that she had to do this. He had been though all this before.

"Seth, please. I don't want her to leave either, but we have to put our feeling aside for a minute. This is what's best for her. We have to put her first…"

Sandy was pleading with him now. He wanted them all to be agreed, so they could present a united front.

Seth looked up, seeing both his father and Ryan's eyes trying to persuade him.

"Ok. She needs to go to rehab"


	20. Chapter 20

Kirsten woke up groggily the next morning, half opening her eyes. Wincing as the day light set in, she rolled over to see that Sandy was already up. Dragging herself out of bed, she looked in the mirror, groaning at her blood shot eyes.

**Doodle takes dad's scissors to her skin…**

"Feels bad the morning after, don't it?" Sandy said, appearing in the doorway.

"Gee thanks for pointing that out"

"You know that I love you right?"

Kirsten looked at her husband's serious face, suddenly feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Of course. I love you too"

"I just don't want you to react to this in the wrong way…" he began, moving closer to her.

"What are you talking about Sandy?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I've booked you in for rehabilitation. I think you have a drinking problem."

She stared in shock at him, not believing what she was hearing.

"You WHAT? Are you crazy? I swear to God Sandy I am not leaving this house…" she exploded, shouting at him.

"The boys and I have all agreed. I'm sorry honey…but you don't have a choice. Your going whether you like it or not"

Kirsten shook her head, gripping onto the table in front of her to steady herself.

"You can't just send me away. I won't go"

Sandy put a hand on her back, rubbing it gently. Kirsten pulled away, tears in her eyes. The truth was; she knew she had a problem. She had known for ages. The first time she began drinking vodka instead of wine. The first time she had began to enjoy drinking by herself. The first time she spiked her juice in the morning… she had known. She was a failure. She was an alcoholic, just like her mother was. She was ruining her relationship with her sons. She was ruining her marriage. As much as she wished that she could just drink away her life…she knew that all she would end up doing was ruining the lives of those who loved her. Seth was living proof of that.

"Please Kirsten. We love you, and we're all so worried. We just want to help you…" Sandy whispered.

Kirsten took a deep breath, putting her head in her hands. As she sobbed, she knew that this had to happen. She needed help. She wanted her life back.

**And when she does relief comes setting in…**

Sandy held her from behind, listening to her soft sobs.

"It's ok…It's all going to be alright…"

Kirsten turned in his arms, so she was facing him. Wiping her eyes, she nodded her head slightly.

"So when do I leave?"

Sandy smiled, hugging his wife close. He was so glad that she had agreed. He really didn't want to have to drag her there kicking and screaming.

"Tomorrow. I'm so proud of you. I know you can do this. The boys and I will be here to support you every step of the way."

"I know. I'm so sorry Sandy. For everything…" Kirsten began shakily.

"It's ok…it's ok" He brushed her tears away with his thumb, and then kissed her softly on the lips.

"I love you" he breathed.

She bit her lip, not sure whether she was glad she was getting help…or upset at the fact she needed to be helped.

"Don't worry. It's all going to be ok" Sandy said, noticing his wife's expression.

She nodded, gulping back the lump in her throat.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" she said, smiling.

"Yeah I think it's been mentioned…but I must say…I do like hearing it"

Kirsten laughed slightly through her tears, hugging her smirking husband tightly. Something inside both of them clicked. Something that assured both of them that everything _really was_ going to be ok. Like it or not…Kirsten was going to get help. The sooner that she got back to her old self, the sooner things could go back to how they used to be. Sandy now had a new found inspiration. Just when he felt like he should be giving up…things got better. Now, he would be able to concentrate solely on being there for her. On supporting her. He hoped with all he had that there fighting days were over. God how nice it would be to have a conversation that didn't end in an argument. He looked into Kirsten's eyes, and knew instantly that she was thinking the exact same thing.

"I'm so sorry Mom" Seth said timidly, entering the room.

"Oh it's ok. This is my fault" she said, letting go of her husband, and embracing her son. "I'm sorry for doing this. I'm sorry for putting you through hell. For putting _all of you_ through hell."

"We're proud of you. Aren't we Ryan?"

Ryan poked his head into the room, wanting to leave the 'real' Cohen's alone for a bit.

"Your damm right we are" he said smiling slightly.

She let go of Seth, now hugging Ryan tightly. God she loved them all so much.

"I'm not going to let you down." She said, turning to face them all. "I promise you that I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this right."

Sandy smiled at his wife, his eyes slightly watery. He looked at their sons, and realized that both of them were getting teary as well. Kirsten really did have a knack for making men cry! Or maybe it was simply the fact that they all loved her so much. Yeah, he was pretty sure it was the latter. At the moment she was putting on a brave face, but he could tell she was waiting to break down.

**While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes…**

"Come on…let's give your mother some space for a minute ay?" he said, ushering the boys out of the room.

She smiled gratefully at him as he kissed her lightly on the mouth, before closing the door behind him. As soon as the door closer, she felt herself letting go. She'd been holding it all in, so the boys didn't see her like that, but now, all she wanted to do was cry. Sandy winced from outside the door as he heard his wife cries. He'd give her a few minutes to be alone…but then he was going back in. He hated listening to her cry.

---

Sandy tapped on the door 10 minutes later. Kirsten hadn't emerged yet, and he could still hear her sobbing. He was worried…worried that she might be doing something stupid. When there was no reply coming from the room, he walked in, his heart breaking as he saw her sitting on the floor against they're bed, knees pulled up underneath her.

**She sings:  
Hey baby can you bleed like me…?  
**

"Oh honey…"

He sat beside her, rubbing her back with one hand, and wiping at her tears with the other. He felt as though his heart was bleeding right now. He just wanted to take away her pain. He just wanted to fix her. No one should have to go through this…especially not Kirsten. She was too much of a nice person. She was too beautiful…**  
**

"I love you" he said with emphasis, as a tear slid down his face.

She tried to get the words out, but she couldn't. She was crying too much right now. Sandy knew how much she loved him, and how sorry she was. She was pretty sure he didn't want to hear her apologies again. Instead she sat there, resting her head on his chest. He stroked her hair lovingly, holding her body as it trembled.

Seth entered the room silently, hearing his mother's sobs from the next room. As he approached them timidly, his father nodded at him, letting him know that it was ok. Seth dropped to his knees, taking hold of his mother's hand. He held it tightly, smiling as she turned to look at him. She had to do this. If not for herself…then for the people around her.

As horrible as it sounded, she could go no lower anymore. From here on…things could only get better…and somehow, deep down inside her, she could already feel things changing. She had a great family to support her, and she was so thankful for them. She was going to get better. She was going to fix this…they all were.

**C'mon baby can you bleed like me?**

* * *

_A/N Well that's it people. I really wanted to wrap this story up, so i kinda hurried and ended it. Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed. All of your comments were great...so thankyou. You guys rock! Luv LoZa xoxo_

_Lyrics in this chapter and story titleis from Garbage's song "bleed like me"...so all credit goes to them for the inspiration._


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